Sunday, September 23, 2007

Everything on hold

Ok lets see....It's been about 3 weeks since I've written. I haven't done so before because honestly I just haven't felt like it. But now I wish I would have. Lets see....So I got new glasses which seems to be helping my eye problems. I haven't had any more ocular migraines since the original ones 3 weeks ago. On September 10th, we had our 4th IUI, 2nd post surgery, and today my temp has taken that dreaded dip which means that we didn't get pregnant this time either. Granted nothing is set in stone, no guarantees until auntie flow finally shows. But I've been charting my BBT for 2 years now and not once has a dip rebounded to mean that I really am pregnant. Surprisingly I'm ok with not being pregnant. The part I'm not ok with is that M and I had a discussion this morning and I think we are going to have to put the baby making on hold until after the new year. I don't want to, but with my birthday, M's birthday and Christmas all coming up in the next few months, we just can't afford to continue spending $300 a month on our infertility. So I think we have agreed that we will put things on hold and try naturally for the next few months. I pray to God that I will continue to ovulate on my own without Clomid so we still have a shot to try naturally. If I don't, I guess we will accept it. I'm also in the process of trying to see if I can get a job with the state which will give me insurance coverage for all of our infertility treatments, which we don't have now. Hopefully I will get the job, and maybe we will have insurance coverage before the first of the year and we can get started sooner. M and I both agree that we really want to be able to move forward in our treatments, but are unable to do so in our current situation. We just don't have the funds for the injectable medicines let alone the IVF. I would really like to finally move to treatment that is going to actually give us what we so very badly want. So I guess it's just a wait and see now. In a way I'm looking forward to the little break because it means that I won't have to have all those doctor appointments and we can stop spending all that money. But I don't want to wait because that's not going to get me a baby any sooner. M and I both wanted to have a baby before we were 30, but with my 30th next month, that's not an option for us. There are plenty of couples who have babies in their late 30's, I just never thought it would be me. I am the oldest woman in my family to have kids. Of course, I'm also the only one that was born with this dreadful, hurtful, awful condition. Guess it's just the luck of the draw....Lucky me!

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